To find my own balance (its pretty homo iguess)

I reach out to the air I'm there
After a decade of struggling, pain, envy, foolishness, tragic moments, tragic views, and attempts that went double crossed ways, your ready to let it go, ready to fail, ready to haul guilty once again, ready to relive related moments that caused an age of so much confusion, endazement, and sufferage. But there's that voice throwing rocks at all my bones, ripping through the muscles, breaking my ear drums, swiming all the way to my mind, the core of my brain, but I'm still relaxed, not a sign of a twitch, or any small diself assured movement. Its one word with one syllable. Its what I'm looking for, what I want. To get away from my mom, get away from the judgement, my recklessness, people who will attempt to be the cause, my dilikes, my unaccepted, the monsters. To be somewhere where the seasons change, where the grass grows green, and where the evenings are a navy blue filled with millions, zillions, of little specs of stars), and somewhere around, somewhere near, is the moon, with any shape, as its phases change, where the houses are like a ghost and all you can really see are the trees, and the growing earth, and all you can smell, is the fresh scent of the air, and the moist dew of the earth. With my father at my side, my younger sister in a high level in civilization, with maybe a family, unharmed, and happy, the father, someone whom will understand atleast tinniest tyniest parts to me, and just be the only person my eyes would liky fall upon. And me and my own little world happily, grazing in my head.